What am I doing?

WHAT AM I DOING?  This is the question that has been going through my mind the last couple of weeks!  WHAT AM I DOING?  We have had a wonderful Summer, full of great memories and fun times.  I am seriously sad it is over.  And, if you've been following my blog, then you pretty much know all that we've been up to.  What you might not know about is all that has been happening behind the scenes with our family.  It is all these behind the scene happenings that have me asking, "WHAT AM I DOING?"  What am I doing...I have a child going into the first grade and another about to begin her last year of preschool!  How is that possible; how did I get here; where did they time go?  I still feel like I am barely twenty; how can I be the mom of two children that are no longer toddlers?  So, if they are so big now and don't really need me in the same way they used to, what am I doing?  WHAT AM I DOING?  I am sharing a home office with my husband...in the Summer!  I've been working from home part time since last fall for Young Life ministries and now TJ is working from home too and sharing my office space!  The funny thing is, this is how we met.  We used to work together and have cubicles next to each other.  But, it's been a long time since he and I have worked so closely together and I am feeling a little like I've lost my space, like his is intruding on my space.  I know, it sounds so mean and selfish, and I am ashamed to admit it, but it's the truth.   I think it would have been a slightly easier transition if it had been during the school year, when we have some sort of routine, but making the change this Summer has been hard.  We are all on top of each other!  But, we are taking it one day at a time and it really is such a treat to have him home with us.  Home to have lunch with us, to take Trip to school, to play with Mady in the morning while I run...it's been great!  WHAT AM I DOING?  The reason TJ is working from home is because he is working on a start-up business idea of his!  It is SUPER exciting, but it means he is not bringing home a paycheck right now.  And, it doesn't make any sense, but I am not at all worried!  Maybe because I went through this more than once as a child.  It's almost like I was made for this!  But, I know God is in control and TJ is in His perfect will and HE will take care of us.  WHAT AM I DOING?  And, since TJ is no longer making money, we've decided to jump into International Adoption and spend a LOT of money!  WHAT?!  That's right.  We are starting the process to adopt a child from Ethiopia.  I know, it doesn't make any sense, especially considering our financial situation right now, but we know it is what we are being called to do and we could not be more excited.  Our family is not complete.  We have been blessed with two healthy, wonderful children that we love unconditionally.  So, with a world full of unloved and abandoned children, we want to bring one into our family and love them unconditionally too!  We are calling our child to be "Little E, " since they are coming from Ethiopia.  It's helped the kids to have a name to use, especially since we don't know if it will be a girl or a boy.  It's going to a long, crazy journey, but we are SO excited to see where it ends and to meet the next member of our family!   WHAT AM I DOING?  I am about to start another year of Community Bible Study and I get to teach the teens again.  But, this year, there will be 25 TEENS!  That is right, 25 home school kids between the ages of 12-16!  It should be a pretty laid back group, no drama...YEAH RIGHT!  I cannot wait.  I've even got a friend coming alongside me to team teach and I am so excited!  Hanging out with these teens makes me feel young and like I am still just a little bit cool.  :-)   And, it is an amazing blessing to hear how they apply God's word to their precious lives.  WHAT AM I DOING?  Well...I am following God, trying to be obedient to His perfect will for my life, loving my family and looking forward to making it bigger!  I am trusting in HIS provision and relying on HIS perfect peace to get through each day, sometimes one minute at a time.  I am letting go of control (as much as I can) and watching with expectation and excitement to see where God takes us next!  That is WHAT I AM DOING!!!

My sweet First Grader!

Riding the golf cart to school!

At his desk.

Mady's first day of ballet class!  Pretty Ballerina!